You are listening to ‘300 Seconds with Eduardo Soliz,’ and this is episode number 79, “Job Separation Anxiety,” so let the 300 Seconds begin!
I’ve had a feeling of impending doom at work for a few weeks now. During this time of year, we usually start getting ready for our ‘busy season’ by preparing training materials and hiring new people so that they’ll (hopefully) be ready for the onslaught of customers in the fall. While there has been plenty of training prep going on, our boss hadn’t scheduled a single interview. Suspicious, to say the least.
Finally, for the first time since I have worked at the company, every person in our department was called into a meeting. The meeting began with a sad-faced girl from Human Resources going into a spiel about restructuring, company challenges, new directions, blah blah blah. Yup, here it comes.
She then threw the hammer down: The thirty people in the room (including myself) were all going to be laid off after a few weeks. The department was being scaled back, so if we wanted to hang around, we would have to apply for one of the new positions. After some questions and one wire-acre comment from yours truly, we were each given a packet of documents and allowed to go home to digest the news, if we wanted to. Needless to say, everybody called it a day. I didn’t envy the Human Resources gals their jobs, but at least they would still have jobs in a few weeks.
In my so-you’re-about-to-be-canned document packet was a fun corporate-double-speak letter that referred to my last day on the job as the ‘job separation date.’ Yeah, I’ll be certain to file that letter next to the ‘thirteen dollar bonus’ one from a few years ago. Yeah, that’s right. Thirteen dollars. And people wonder why I hate my job.
I chuckled at their choice of words: “Job Separation.” I guess it beats ‘Don’t let the door hit ya where the Good Lord split ya,” though. This being Texas, I’m genuinely surprised they didn’t just toss us out right then and there.
In a sense, I’m a little disappointed in myself; I’ve seen the writing on the wall at other employers in the past, and I’ve been lucky enough to get out of Dodge while the getting was good.
I guess I’ll have to start paying attention to those updates from Monster and LinkedIn now!
This has been 300 Seconds, the next episode will be posted after my update my resume. I am Eduardo Soliz, and if you’re looking for a software developer, help desk analyst, tech support lead, creative writer, copy editor, or maybe even a voice guy, shoot me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org. Whether you’re hiring or not, check out Eduardo Soliz dot com for more podcasts and short stories, and as always, I thank you for listening!