42 Things I Noticed While Driving Around Texas

August 20, 2019August 20, 2019 ~ EduardoSoliz ~ Leave a comment

A few months ago, I started a field technician job which requires me to drive around the great state of Texas. Of course, while on the highways, byways, and backways of the Lone Star State, I noticed a few things:

My company car is a Chevy Equinox which is a boat compared to my Honda CR-V
#7 My road! (sort of)
I have dubbed my company car: “The Leviathan.”
I do like that The Leviathan has a BRAAP horn as opposed to the CR-V’s meep.
That moment when you’re happy to be back on a properly paved road
…with a middle stripe.
Whenever I see a Choke Canyon BBQ or gas station I’ll always think: “Hey it’s those guys who tried to rip off Buc-ees”
I vaguely remembered a ‘Solis Road’ as a child and found it. Of course, I had to take a selfie.
Rio Grande Valley radio sucks.
Rio Grande Valley drivers suck.
“Next services 45 miles” means it’s time for a restroom break.
It’s always funny to see the road literally change from one county to another.
See also: county deputies waiting for speeders.
Dear GPS: Unless there is a significant delay, clam up and let me stay on the route I’m on.
Company-issued iPhone meant that I got to rediscover how lousy Apple Maps is.
What is it with small towns and Y intersections just outside of them?
Note to self: ALWAYS check how much range your gas tank has left before leaving a small town out in the middle of nowhere.
I always think: “Warp speed, Mr Sulu!” whenever I see that first 55 MPH sign outside of a small town.
This beats being in a crappy open plan office while the fluorescent lights suck the life out of me: I’m on my own, I get to listen to music, and the company pays for gas, room, and hotels.
Gas plumes from oil drilling operations look eerie at night.
If you need super-bright LED headlights, maybe your blind tail shouldn’t be driving at night
See also: Fog lights the size of headlights.
You know a town is really small when they don’t even have a Dairy Queen
I’m not sure I want to go to a restaurant who’s slogan is: Put some South in your Mouth
The road is a good place to charge your smartwatch.
Fueling up in a small town makes one appreciate the city, especially given that the gas is 50 cents less expensive a gallon there.
Granted I’m not paying, but still.
Remote start is awesome, makes me feel all Knight Rider and stuff.
It would be even more awesome if I didn’t always get inside the Leviathan just before the engine cuts out.
Where’s the KITT personal assistant?
Construction, just the thing to make I-10 north of San Antonio worse.
Funny how in small towns there are nearly always signs directing you to the football stadium and cemetery.
I kinda get the whole ‘put a cross on the top of a hill’ thing but I kinda don’t.
Nothing like passing the Whataburger you had breakfast at 14 hours earlier on your way home.
Getting on the road early means seeing some of the wildlife out and about, particularly deer.
Saw a gas station that was converted into a computer repair shop. At least it wasn’t a liquor store.
That moment when your GPS reads: “230 miles remaining.”
Nothing like doing a hasty 180 because you passed the one gas station in a town out in the middle of nowhere.
Sampling the local flavor can be a mite harder on Sunday.
If you could display state lines more prominently, Google Maps, that would be greaaat.
You know you’re in a small county when the county road names consist of single letters.
My company and personal phones are on different providers. Few things make the hair on the back of my neck stand up like losing signal on BOTH of them.
God Bless Dairy Queen!

300 Seconds Episode #98: “Job Search Blues- Recruiters and Staffing Agencies”

August 13, 2019 ~ EduardoSoliz ~ Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here!

You are listening to ‘300 Seconds with Eduardo Soliz,’ and this is episode number 98, “Job Search Blues: Recruiters and Staffing Agencies,” so let the 300 Seconds begin!

I will start off by saying that I’ve dealt with a bunch of recruiters over the course of my career. Some good, some bad, and of course, a bunch in between. Naturally, I consider the ones that got me a job “good ones” but at the same time there were a few that did a great job, even though ultimately, I didn’t end up getting the job. Of course, I’ll be focusing on the more sucky ones because, well, that’s more entertaining, and after two months of being out of work, I’m starting to get just a little stir-crazy, so on with the show.

I’ve established that looking for a job online kinda sucks and job fairs kinda suck too. Fortunately, you don’t have to go it alone! There are companies and people out there that will be more than happy to help you find a job…sort of.

Oh, recruiting agencies and their recruiters. If you’re online, you have have a pulse, and your work history is longer than five days, you’ve likely been e-mailed or called by a recruiter at some point in your career. These overly enthusiastic people will talk to you like they’re your best friend. Many are genuinely friendly, but at the same time, a lot them sound like car salesmen.

After introducing themselves, the recruiter will then ask if you are looking for a job. If you answer yes, then they’ll tell you about position and requirements, and where it’s at, how much it pays and all that wonderful stuff. Often, they’ll also send you an email with job details, and ask you to send back a current resume in response, and then you never ever, hear from them again, which kinda sucks.

It’s a lousy thing to do, it’s unprofessional, as well as a bunch of other mean things that I’d rather not say. I need to say that I don’t know how these people work. For all I know they’re calling fifty people a day and don’t have the time to call all them back to say ‘sorry, we don’t need you right now.’ I get that. At the same time, I’m pretty sure there is some kind of computerized system keeping track of all this stuff. If that computer would just send me an email saying : “Sorry, it didn’t work out,” that would be great. On the rare occasion when a recruiter DOES keep in touch after the fact, I make sure to let them know that I appreciate their professionalism. Sadly, that’s more the exception rather than the rule.

One thing that always throws me off is when I get multiple calls from different people at the same staffing agency within the same week. Once again, I don’t know how things work at those places. I don’t know if potential hires are assigned to a specific recruiter, but when that second guy or gal calls from the same recruiting agency, in my head I’m thinking: “Waitaminute, isn’t the first person already working with me?” The conversation usually gets a little bit awkward after that.

It’s also fun when they don’t bother to check if you aren’t already in their system. Had a fun talk with one of those lately. What made that situation even more maddeing was that I had actually WORKED for that agency years ago.

Equally annoying is when the recruiter does not read your online profile and tries to submit you for a job that you are clearly not qualified for. I have some interest in being a technical writer, so if an entry-level opportunity were to come about, or if someone was willing to give me a shot…HINT HINT…I’d take it. I have to wonder, though, about a recruiter that submits me for a tech writer role that requires years of experience, even after I send them my resume that indicates very little actual tech writing experience. Again, I don’t know how these people or these agencies work, so I wonder if they’re just trying to meet some quota when we go through those motions.

Lately, I’ve been getting a bunch of calls from recruiters that are from, to put it politely: “out of town.” I’ve been contacted by so many of them, at this point that I could set my watch to the routine: First, a phone call comes in from some random state. I tend to not answer out-of-state calls, so after about a minute or so, I find a voicemail waiting for me. Upon listening to the voicemail, I can very easily tell that the caller, to put it politely again, does not speak the language. I will confess to taking particular delight at how these people stumble over and completely mangle my name. I’ve gotten used to the gringo pronunciation of ‘Edwardo’ by now, but folks from a certain part of the world have no idea what to do with it. By the time I have listened to the voice mail, and deleted it, an email will have popped into one of my accounts from that same person featuring poor grammar and a position I have absolutely no interest in.

I then block the phone number, report that email address as spam, and wait for the process to repeat itself. Sorry guys, but no thanks, and I’d rather you not come again.

This has been 300 Seconds, the next episode will be posted after I add another phone number to the block list. I am Eduardo Soliz, check out Eduardo Soliz dot com for more podcasts and short fiction, and I thank you for listening!

Super-Short Storytime: “The Pit of Success”

June 26, 2019June 26, 2019 ~ EduardoSoliz ~ Leave a comment

Welcome to Super-Short Storytime, lovers of literature and fans of fiction! I am Eduardo Soliz, the author and narrator of the fantastically frank tale that you are about to hear.

Like other folks who fashion fiction, inspiration for my stories often comes from real life. This particular tale was inspired my time spent in the corporate jungle. This story is part of “Nine to Five Lives,” a free e-book which can be downloaded from eduardosoliz.com, this big business brief bears the title of: “The Pit of Success”

Alan was particularly glad to be at work today. After months of working overtime, finishing projects ahead of schedule, and just a little bit of schmoozing, he had been deemed worthy to be promoted to work in “The Pit.” The Pit was a special area where the best of the best worked on secret projects that represented the future of the company.

As he struggled to hold up a cardboard box that held his personal items, Alan held his badge above the doorknob to the entrance to the Pit as he had been told. It was a nondescript door that he had walked by every day without ever thinking about what was inside. A click sounded as the lock released. Alan balanced the box on one hand and used his other one to quickly open the door.

He entered the room and closed the door behind him. But for a single light that was above him, the room was completely dark except for some blinking LED lights scattered about. A voice suddenly came from the ceiling. Alan recognized it as belonging to the supervisor that he had conducted a phone interview with the week before: “Leave that box by the door, Mister Johnson. You will not need those things here.” It said.

Alan did as he was instructed. He nervously looked around for somebody, but the office appeared to be unoccupied. As his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he saw rows upon rows of cubicles, just like in his previous office.

“Please proceed to your new cubicle, Mister Johnson.” The supervisor’s voice said. A small light turned on in the room. Alan started to make his way towards the light. As he passed by the other cubicles, he noticed that each one contained an egg-shaped pod just large enough to hold a person. Alan recognized a few of the names on the name tags as former coworkers that had been promoted before him, much to his chagrin.

“You have gone above and beyond your peers in your devotion to this company, Mister Johnson. You will now become a part of the company as you had desired. Take your seat and join us.” The voice said. Alan peered into the interior pod and hesitated.

“This isn’t what I had in mind. Does everyone have to sit in these…things, here?” Alan asked, looking up at the ceiling.

“It is necessary to make you part of the company. You are free to return to your previous position if you wish. We can always find somebody else to fill this position.” The voice answered.

Hell, no. I worked too hard for this. Alan thought. He climbed into the pod. The leather seat within was surprisingly comfortable; he relaxed as he settled into it. Without warning, the pod closed above him. A screen built into the pod’s wall lit up and a keyboard and trak-ball slid in front of him from the side. Well, this is kinda neat, Alan thought as he logged into his terminal and started to work.

Alan noticed an odd flicker occasionally coming from the screen. It annoyed him at first, but it eventually became oddly comforting. He continued working and quickly discovered that he could do everything inside the pod, even attend meetings. He only left the pod to go to the bathroom and eat lunch.

Hours later, the clock on Alan’s computer screen indicated that it was time for the workday to end, but he had no desire to leave. Alan barely overheard his former coworkers leaving through the hallway and thought about his home and family for a moment, but the thought was quickly squelched by the messages that had been delivered to him by the hypnotic series of flashes that he had been subjected to on the screen.

YOU ARE PART OF THE COMPANY.
THERE IS NOTHING ELSE.
THERE IS WORK TO DO.

“There is work to do.” Alan softly said to nobody as he typed away. A message flashed on his screen: technicians would be coming in an hour to make him one with the pod so that he would never have to leave at all.

Alan smiled.

THE END.

This company definitely brings new meaning to the term ‘human resource,’ and this is one future that I hope never comes to pass. This has been Super-Short Storytime! Visit eduardo soliz dot com for more stories and free e-book downloads, and remember listeners, always keep that work-life balance!

A Few Things I Noticed While Flying

May 17, 2019May 19, 2019 ~ EduardoSoliz ~ Leave a comment

BEFORE: “We’re flying you to Columbus, Ohio for training.” I’m not sure if that’s going to be better or worse than “PowerPoint hell.”
I haven’t flown since 2010, so this is going to be interesting.
It will also be interesting to compare this to my recent Amtrak trip to Dallas (see previous post).
I recently moved, and I’m so glad I got my new driver’s license beforehand due to airport security. The picture on the new license is also of my currently less-fat self.
Dear Uber driver: This is Texas. Turn on your gol-dang air conditioner.
TRIP TO COLUMBUS: TSA was quick and pleasant; any delays were self-imposed.
Then again, not having to do the TSA dance is a point in Amtrak’s favor
Then again, an Amtrak to nearby Cincinnati would have taken nearly 2 days.
The rollers on the X-Ray scanner quit rolling so we got held up just a little.
I got to be zapped by the full-body scanner so I may be a little glowy while in Columbus.
You’re darn skippy I’m going to savor every drop of this $3.25 airport Coca-Cola Zero
Does wearing a Green Lantern ring qualify someone as a peace officer? Asking for a friend
Coughing at the airport and thinking I should have had some Vitamin C with breakfast this morning
Flying Southwest. Boarding group: C I guess I’m getting a window seat.
Make that a center seat, which goes to show how long it’s been since I last flew.
Amtrak seats are definitely better than airplane seats.
Takeoffs make me a mite nervous, dunno that I’ll ever get used to it
Seatmates aren’t very chatty but I have a slight headache so no biggie
Actually, I talked a little with the gal who had the window seat…good luck with the marketing business!
Other passengers: Read books and stories. Me: Write some 😉
While I have a spare phone battery, I’m trying to keep from using it.
I wonder how long it takes the plane to get out of Texas?
Pretzels and cheese sandwich crackers. Mmm.
Thing I forgot: Water bottle, which would have come in handy after the snack.
I feel obligated to share my ‘peanut story’ with seatmates. Sorry.
We’re all “random weirdos” here
Complimentary drinks are a point in flying’s favor over Amtrak, but not so much due to the 4-ounce cups that are served.
Tail’s dragging today; I stayed up way too late getting ready for the trip after driving up from Corpus Christi in the morning.
I would like to sleep but I just can’t nod off on the plane. Being in the center seat doesn’t help.
Thought about bringing my tablet along instead of my laptop but decided not to. After trying to type on the plane all squished up I definitely should have bought the tablet instead.
Slight layover at Chicago Midway International. Part of me wishes I’d bought my fursuit along BECAUSE BEARS.
Home Run Pizza hit the spot.
I’m jonesing for some ice cream and I can’t find any at the airport. COME ON MAN
At a Chicago airport yogurt shop:
“Finally, some ice cream!”
“It’s frozen yogurt, sir.”
“Don’t ruin this for me, please.”
“Yes, sir. It’s ice cream.”
I just realized I should have worn something Texan but settled for furry instead. Oh well.
I should have bought a bear souvenir while in Chicago. I HAVE FAILED MY PEOPLE.
Head attendant on the second flight was kind of a wisenheimer, but he was a funny wisenheimer.
Seatmates were glued to their phones on the second flight up.
So was I. Yes, they had in flight WiFi, which we didn’t have on the flight to Chicago.
Southwest Airlines Wi-Fi had 80s music, which made for a more pleasant flight!
The presence of Wi-Fi is another point in air travel’s favor, though to get actual Internet you have to pay. I dug the site where you can see your flight progress, though.
Saw a seatmate playing Solitaire on his phone. Nice.
Grey and rainy in Columbus. Just as well, given that I’m here for work!
TRIP HOME: Got an email saying my flight home to San Antonio is delayed a half-hour. Crap.
Having a company credit card means overpriced airport food is no biggie
Thanks to my Furry Invasion t-shirt, I got to explain furry to a TSA agent in Columbus, Ohio.
His coworker helped out, which made me wonder if she had something to share with the class. Hmm.
Nearly showed up late to my flight home because I thought the plane was delayed (see #44)
Was relieved to be in Group B for boarding which meant that I may be able to avoid another flight in the middle seat/steerage.
Plane was only half-filled so I got an aisle seat for the flight home…in the same aisle with a toddler.
Seatmate had a small dog in a carrier on the floor. Awww!
Nothing says I’M A FURRY like watching the Walt Disney version of Robin Hood on your laptop for in-flight entertainment
I was the only one who ordered ginger ale on the trip home so I got the whole can. Score!
Arrived back home on time, which has me slightly irked at the time goof-up.
Overall, flying wasn’t bad, though I would definitely take an Amtrak over it if I had the time: No TSA, roomier seats, lounge and dining cars, people appear more relaxed, and the ability to walk around the train make the train a much more pleasant experience.

Signs that the group is a just a BIT older than you are

September 18, 2018September 18, 2018 ~ EduardoSoliz ~ Leave a comment

Even though I’m bear-ly in my 40s 😀 I joined an online group for older furries recently. After a while, my Spidey-Sense began to tell me that most of other folks in the group have at least a decade or two on me:

“Attachment unavailable”
Vertical videos
“I hate that thing that’s popular with the young people!”
Black and white pictures
Scans of actual Polaroid pictures
Pictures rotated the wrong way
Five-year old memes
“Why is this [meme] funny? It makes no sense!”
When people say ‘back in the day’ they REALLY mean it
And of course: “Get off my lawn!”

Contract-to-Fire

May 20, 2018 ~ EduardoSoliz ~ Leave a comment

work I recently started a new position; my first-ever contract job. At the beginning, I was enthusiastic about coming in and doing a good job. I noticed a few deficiencies off the bat and made some recommendations for improvements in a group e-mail to everyone in the department. My intention was to avoid some of the large issues that had plagued previous workplaces and improve our processes, because to be frank, there were none.

My recommendations were shrugged off with a big fat ‘MEH’ by everyone. I don’t know if it was due to my relative inexperience at the workplace, or the arrogance of leadership, but for whatever the reason, the end result was that nothing happened, and the glaring issues remained.

I was miffed (but not completely surprised) by the lack of response. I imagined that the thought process went something along the lines of: “Why should we listen to this new guy? He doesn’t know how we do things here.“

My first thought was that I needed to change my approach and need address my manager directly instead of broadcasting to the group in the hope that we could come to a consensus. My second thought became a lot more compelling the more it bounced around in my head:

“Why should I care?”

I should begin by mentioning that the position I was hired into has a nearly zero chance of becoming permanent. Folks come here, they work for a year or two, and then they’re gone. Because of that, I have nearly zero investment in this company. Indeed, one of the issues that I wanted to address was knowledge management; if you’re going to have a revolving door of people coming in and out of a department, you might want to have a good documentation process in place so that not all of a person’s expertise walks out the door when their time inevitably comes.

Ultimately, I let it go. I had said my peace, and if the Powers That Be decided to ignore it, then why should I make a fuss? Obviously they know what they’re doing. There’s also no sense in wasting my time with people that have no intention of listening to me.

The unfortunate truth is that a contract worker will never be completely engaged in the future of the company they work at, especially if they have no visible road to bigger and better things.

I’ve since kept my mouth shut about any new issues that I’ve noticed and given up any hope of things improving. It doesn’t make any sense to fight the current, instead I’ll just keep surfing the wave of incompetence until my contract is up.

Besides, why should I be fully invested in the company’s problems when the company isn’t fully invested in me?

Adventures in Self-Publishing : Cover Stories

January 16, 2018January 16, 2018 ~ EduardoSoliz ~ Leave a comment

I am not a visual person by any stretch of the imagination.

When I was in college studying computer science back in the 90’s, people would occasionally ask me if I could make websites for them. The conversation would go something like this:

Person: “Can you make a website for me?”
Me: “Yeah, I can code one, but it’s going to look like a computer guy made it.”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s going to look terrible.”
So yeah, I didn’t make any websites.

Given that I’m self-aware of my lack of design sense, I don’t know what possessed me to make my own book covers when I started self-publishing short story collections. It comes even more perplexing considering that I knew artists that could do quality artwork. Ego may have had something to do with it; the notion of doing everything on my own. Maybe I didn’t want to pay for art at the time. Whatever the reason, I figured some text on a solid color background would be good enough. I did three covers like that, and it honestly only worked for The Rules of Tech Support.

I like to think I made the most of my limited skills with my Nine to Five Lives ‘clock face,’ but that may have been too clever for its own good considering its low sales (it’s free now!).

At that point I figured it was time to get some actual artwork done. My friend Damon Cone provided some artwork for Con Fluff 1, which I used to make a faux ‘con badge.’ I thought about making similar ones as promotional items for the book. That never happened, but it remains an interesting idea for future use. The character on the cover is me, which seems a little conceited, but at the same time, why the heck not?

I commissioned an artist friend who goes by Padunk for Con Fluff 2 and she knocked it out of the park. She was also kind enough to put the title text on the artwork, which made it look really nice. Future volumes have also featured artwork, and with the exception of The Rules of Tech Support, most of my collections featuring my early awful covers have been put off-sale, though you can still see them here.

While I have been happy with all of the artwork (Faeries, Fantasies, and Furries is another favorite) there are a few that need a do-over: As the first book in the series, I don’t want to pull Seven Super-Short Sci-Fi Stories, but it does need a facelift. Funny Animals, Funny People kind-of works, but I have a better concept in mind I’d like to see for it. I took the easy way out with Fuzzy Words by plastering a picture into the middle of a (wait for it) solid colored background.

I’ve since commissioned new cover art for the printed version of Fuzzy Words from an artist named TinyBunner. After spending the day arguing with CreateSpace I think everything is ready to go for printed copies. I’m very excited at the prospect of having an actual printed book, but that’s a post for another day.