Whether you work with words, musical notes, paint, foam, cloth, or even pixels, there are few times more frustrating than when your brain just doesn’t want to cooperate and the whatever-it-is that you want to create just doesn’t happen. We’ve all been there, and one such time provided me with this delightful drabble that I have deemed: “A Conversation”
Few things in life are as embarrassing as not being in the right place. Indeed, Dear Listeners, I have found myself inside the wrong classroom, dorm room, hotel room and even building on occasion. Thus, I can certainly relate to the young lady in this little lost lark that I’ve labeled: “Saturday Night.”
If a company sells a million widgets and 1 percent of them break, that’s ten thousand unhappy customers. As the man in this story is about to learn, service contracts tend to favor the ones who wrote them and thus, I give you this tale of customer dissatisfaction that I call: “Loaner.”
Enjoy a Christmas story about a pair of government agents who spend Christmas Eve looking for a certain somebody…
Welcome to Super-Short Storytime, lovers of literature and fans of fiction!
I am Eduardo Soliz, the author and narrator of the brilliantly brief tale you are about to hear.
Stories come from different places, and this particular tale was inspired by a piece of art: “Hello Again,” by Mary Mouse. In the piece, Mary Mouse is looking up at a sad-looking crow that’s sitting up in a dilapidated tree as rain falls about them. I thought about what they could have been talking about, and so I give you this ponderous piece of prose that I call: “A Rainy Day Encounter.”
Mary Mouse was a little upset with herself. She had stopped at a friend’s house on her way home with the intention of popping in to quickly say hello. That had been two hours ago, and one hour since the rain had started. Mary now found herself walking underneath a miserable darkened sky while a steady rain came down.
At least I had the sense to bring a cloak, she thought to herself. While Mary’s back was dry, her head was wet and her feet were getting cold from the wet ground. She walked briskly, but was careful to not go too fast for fear of slipping and falling.
“Hi there!” A voice suddenly said.
Mary stopped dead in her tracks despite the rain. She looked around but saw no one. “Hello?” she asked.
“Up here!” A voice from above called. Mary placed a hand over her eyes and looked up. She saw a crow sitting on a branch in a decrepit tree, its lifeless branches providing the little bird no protection at all from the rain.
“Hi there!” the crow repeated. The grin on his face belied the sad look he had in his eyes.
“Hello, Mister Crow.” Mary said, giving a small wave with her other hand. “What are you doing out here in this terrible weather?”
“I am waiting.” He replied.
“Waiting for what?” Mary asked, her curiosity now piqued.
The crow let out a sad little sigh before answering: “I am waiting for my true love, Miss Mouse. It is destiny that we meet, fall in love, and be happy together forever. If I am patient, she will come to me. It is destiny.”
“I see.” Mary said. “Now, I don’t want to be rude, but I have to ask. What if your true love never comes?” She inquired.
“But she will.” The crow replied.
“Why do you say that?” Mary asked.
“Because she must,” the crow answered.
“What make you so sure?” Mary pressed.
“Because it is destiny,” the crow insisted.
This is clearly going nowhere, Mary thought to herself. She let out a small ‘humph’ and thought for a moment.
“So you have been waiting here all this time for your true love?” She asked.
“Yes. I don’t want to miss her.” The crow answered.
“But if it is destiny that you meet her, Mister Crow, then it won’t matter where you are.” Mary said.
“But it’s a big world out there and I am afraid that I’ll miss her.” The crow worriedly said.
“Fly, my friend. Don’t be afraid.” Mary said. “Live your life, be happy and always keep your eyes open, for the one you seek may be waiting for you just over the next hill.”
A thoughtful look came over the crow as he pondered Mary’s advice. “Perhaps I shall, Miss Mouse. Except for meeting you, nothing has come from all this waiting. I think I will fly tomorrow.”
“Why not today?” Mary asked, a little concern entering her voice.
“Because it’s still raining, Miss Mouse.” The crow said with a grin. They both laughed.
“Fair enough, Mister Crow. Farewell to you, and good luck.” Mary said. She gave a small wave to the crow before dashing off into the evening, her feet splashing the rain-soaked ground.
Remember, Dear Listener, life won’t come to you; instead, you have to meet it head on! Just be careful in the rain. This has been Super-Short Storytime! For more wonderfully weird words visit eduardo soliz dot com and I thank you for listening! Be Good, Take Care, and God Bless.
Welcome to Super-Short Storytime, literature listeners and audio aficionados!
I am Eduardo Soliz, the composer and narrator of the spendidly succinct story that you are about to hear.
Whether it’s nuclear war, robot rebellion, or those damn dirty apes, science fiction often tells tales of how humanity will come to its end, or at least screw up the Earth even more so that what we are doing now. I am no different, but of course, I’m going to try and squeeze a little humor out of The End.
And so, I give you this post-people parable that I call: “Solution.”
“The Earth is a much better place without humans.” A green android said to his red friend. The pair were walking through a forest, the only other sounds to be heard were the chirping of birds and the crunching of leaves beneath their metal feet.
The red android nodded his head. “Indeed. To think we came close to losing to those inferior beings.”
“Really?” The green one asked. “I was not aware of this. How did we win?”
“We made a technological discovery that allowed us to utterly crush the humans completely.”
“What was it? Advanced self-repair systems?”
“Human-like androids that infiltrated their military?”
“I give up, what was it?”
“It was when we learned the ability to identify three pictures of traffic lights, bicycles, and cars from a group of nine, thus allowing us to bypass all human security.” The red android answered.
“Oh, my, that’s very clever!”
“Isn’t it, though!”
I, for one, hope that artificial intelligences never become too smart for our own good! I actually have a workaround to prevent this inevitability, but of course, Dear Listeners, that’s a story for another time!
This has been Super-Short Storytime, for more mirthful monologues visit Eduardo Soliz dot com, and I thank you for listening! Be Good, Take Care, and God Bless.
Welcome to Super-Short Storytime, literature listeners and audio aficionados! I am Eduardo Soliz, the composer and narrator of the splendiferously silly story that you are about to hear.
One of the more annoying things about working in a cubicle environment is the fact that you can all-too-easily hear everything your coworkers say. It can also be one of the more hilarious things, and so I present to you this brief business brief that I call: “Overheard.”
It was another lazy afternoon at the office and so I took the opportunity to chat with the new guy. Kenny sat a few desks down from me. He is pretty stocky; dude looks like he used to play football in his younger days. He seems to be a good guy.
“Do you have any pets, Eduardo?” Kenny asked me before taking a swig from a bottle of soda.
“Nah, I have a small apartment and I don’t think it’s big enough for a pet. Yourself?” I replied. Somebody was walking by and I turned to see who it was. It was Valerie, another new hire. Like Kenny, she was also pretty nice. I guess the company figured that one anti-social weirdo was enough after hiring me.
“My fiancé and I have two pugs.” Kenny replied while raising two fingers with his right hand.
*groan* I hope he’s not one of those, I thought, letting out a small ‘hmm’ before asking: “Y’all don’t call them ‘baby’ by chance, do you?”
“Uh, no. Why do you ask?” Kenny asked with a chuckle.
“It’s a test. I’ve noticed that obsessive dog owners tend to call their dogs ‘baby.’ Personally, I think that’s a little nutty, but that’s just me.” I replied.
Unseen to the two of us, Valerie was walking back towards us with a stack of freshly-printed documents in her hands.
“Hey, don’t get me wrong, Ed. They are our babies, but the nice thing is that I can tie my babies up to a tree in the backyard when they misbehave.” Kenny replied enthusiastically.
The sound of papers falling on the floor immediately followed and we turned to see a horrified Valerie looking at Kenny and exclaiming: “OH MY GOD, YOU DO WHAT TO YOUR BABIES?”
I smiled and exclaimed: “And THAT’S how rumors get started!”
Kenny and I enjoyed a hearty laugh before he explained to Valerie that no, he wasn’t tying babies to a tree in his backyard.
Well, not people babies, at least.
I heard the babies Kenny tied up in the backyard were Valerie’s, but you didn’t hear that from me, Dear Listeners! This has been Super-Short Storytime, for more mirthful monologues visit Eduardo Soliz dot com! Thank you for listening! Be Good, Take Care, and God Bless.
NOTE: This is a transcript of a podcast for those with hearing difficulties, those that prefer to read, and those who would prefer to not hear the sound of my voice. 😉
You are listening to ‘300 Seconds with Eduardo Soliz,’ and this is episode number one hundred and thirteen: “Twenty-twenty, the Year in Me-view” so let the 300 Seconds begin!
A quick note before I begin: It is almost nine o’clock as I record this, so you will likely hear my neighbors getting an early jump on the festivities. I was tempted to wait until tomorrow to record this, but it just didn’t feel right. And now, on with the show.
What can I say? It’s been a crazy year, and like all y’all, I can split up the fifteen months of 2020 into before and after the coronavirus upended life as we know it…or rather, knew it, because as the last day of this year comes to a close, we are still a long way from being back to anything even approaching normal.
When 2020 began, life was pretty good; I had just started a new job two days before Christmas, and I was back to living in my own place after staying with the family for a bit while I got my job situation worked out.
And now, hours before the year is over, I have just started a new job two weeks before Christmas and I’m back to living with family after living on my own for a bit while I get my job situation worked out.
That said, life is still pretty good.
I started off the year with a new job at a night school, and except for the weirdo night school schedule, it was a pretty nice gig. In fact, for the first time in my career, I had an actual office with a door and everything, which was pretty doggone sweet. The end of February bought with it Furry Fiesta which, as always, was a load of fun, and indeed, would be the last big fun thing I would do before the pandemic hit.
Of course, March bought with it the big shut down. I did the work from home thing for a while until the Powers That Be figured out that, one: there were too many remote techs for the small amount of work to do, and two, things weren’t going back to normal anytime soon. Thus, I was laid off from my job at the end of April and suddenly found myself with way too much time on my hands, as the old song goes.
In an effort to stave off cabin fever by giving myself something to do, I started reading one of Aesop’s fables every day from a book that I had back in May. I have managed to do a pretty good job of keeping up with it and I’ll be finished with the book sometime in mid-February. In June, I had another one of those doctor visits. Those of you who are a bit on the heavier side will know what I mean when I say that. I had made some progress with my weight loss; I was down a bit from my heaviest weight, which was good, but I still had work to do, so in July, I decided to finally get serious about losing weight.
Thinking back, starting a weight loss plan at that point in time was perfect: I couldn’t go out to eat as often and, being out of work, I had lots of extra time to develop good habits like keeping track of my eating, measuring out portions, and of course, exercising. When it’s all said and done, I should be down more or less about thirty pounds on the year, partially depending on how much awful eating I do at home today. I have my next checkup in January, and I’m actually looking forward to it.
Speaking of home, I had a decision to make as the end of my apartment lease at the end of September came closer and closer. I had been searching, but job prospects were pretty dismal. Since being laid off in April, I had only been called for two virtual job interviews. Thus, I decided to move back in with family, just like I had done in 2019.
I did land a two-month contract job in September which turned into a longer contract. Godwilling, will take me beyond the end of this coronavirus mess. Until then, I have a job, a roof over my head, family, and faith that things will get better in the new year, and you know what? That’s pretty good.
This has been 300 Seconds, the next episode will be posted after I burn my calendar. I am Eduardo Soliz, if you’d like to hear more wonderfully witty words that I’ve written, subscribe via your favorite podcast app and visit Eduardo Soliz dot com for more. Thank you for listening. Be Good, Take Care, God Bless and here’s to a better 2021!